You can struggle and still be Catholic.

I constantly find myself in the middle of what it means to be a good Catholic and how I want to lead my life in the world today. But, how does one even become a “good” Catholic?

Let’s start with the basics: the precepts of the Catholic Church, which are the following:

• attend Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation
• confess your sins once a year in the sacrament of Reconciliation
• receive the Eucharist during the Easter season
• observe days of fasting and abstinence established by the Church, and
• provide for the material needs of the Church according to your abilities

These precepts are the minimum required of Catholics; they are our baseline. At the same time, we are called to much more than this baseline: we are all called to be saints.

Where do we fall when we fall short of sainthood? Or when we fall short of what is asked of us as Catholics? What if we fall short in some things, but not others? Where does that put us? Personally, I feel like I am a host of Catholic contradictions.

Where do we fall when we fall short of sainthood?

On the one hand, I find myself defending my more secular attitudes and beliefs with my Catholic friends and I struggle with the Church’s stance on same-sex marriage, sexuality, and abortion.

On the other hand, I find myself defending my Catholic-ness with my non-Catholic friends.

I have been on many dates where I spend time convincing a non-Catholic man that there is more to me than being a “church girl.” I try to explain that, even though I spend most of my free nights at my parish facilitating young adult events or serving at Mass, I am far from a saintly, holier-than-thou person (which is not to say that people involved in their parish are all like that, but rather that this is a stereotype).

It can feel like a no-man’s land between being an involved Catholic who faithfully subscribes to every teaching and being a tepid “I was raised Catholic, but I disagree with x,y, and z so I no longer practice” person.

This no-man’s land is a hard place to be in. But if I’m being honest - that’s where I am. I remain in this middle space that includes Catholics who haven't made their entire life about the Church and Catholics who are involved in parish life but still struggle with some teachings.

This no-man’s land is a hard place to be in. But if I’m being honest - that’s where I am.

I see so much “Catholic” media and culture that doesn’t feel right or complete to me, such as an old-fashioned approach to pro-life ministry that places graphic images in front of Planned Parenthood, relationship advice that highlights how women should only be pursued, and messaging that too often condemns the sinner along with the sin. I believe that these examples do more to put people into categories of “good” and “bad” than to engage them and help them grow closer to God. Even more, these examples are things that you don’t have to agree with in order to be a “good” Catholic.

At the same time, I see secular culture pushing my generation towards meaningless hookups, using people, and a life devoid of commitment and service to others - and I know there is more to life than that. I constantly assess whether my choices bring me closer to God and make me a better person. Sometimes, however, I struggle with certain Catholic doctrines. I don’t think this makes me a bad Catholic; I think it makes me human. This becomes a little complicated for me, which means there must be someone else out there who also finds it complicated, and I want to share my experience with that person. I want to help others know that it’s okay to be on a journey.

This becomes a little complicated for me, which means there must be someone else out there who also finds it complicated, and I want to share my experience with that person.

I see a danger in considering yourself to be a “bad” Catholic if you don’t accept every little thing the Church teaches. When people have this mentality, they tend to walk away entirely. Pursuing a relationship with God is a process.

I want to reframe this conversation about “good” and “bad” Catholics into one about practicing charity and reminding others that the Church is a “field hospital” for sinners. There are so many Catholics I have met who either think sex isn’t a big deal and completely ignore how that might complicate their lives, or who are so deeply ashamed of their past experiences that they hide from God’s love. They feel like they are unworthy, and sometimes other people promote that feeling. At the end of the day, we are all unworthy of God’s love, but we have inherent dignity and were created to love and be loved by Him.

Pursuing a relationship with God is a process.

We should create a space in the Church to have conversations about our decisions and struggles. I want to help build that space, where we can come a little worn down, a little broken, and know we can be Catholic and seek a relationship with Christ even if our actions and understanding fall short. We are human and we struggle: with chastity, with saying no, and with the problems that come with saying yes.

This is not about being a “cafeteria Catholic” and choosing the things you will agree with while leaving the rest behind. It’s about meeting the Church where you can with the understanding you have right now.  It’s about saying, “Yes, I disagree with this point, but there are so many other things that I do believe.” It’s about discussing these things in an open environment to encourage greater awareness and trust.

We are all on a journey to sainthood and will stumble at different points. The important thing is that we pick ourselves back up and continue the struggle to understand what is right and true. This means not becoming complacent in our beliefs, especially in the areas where they diverge from the teachings of the Catholic Church.

Don’t listen to that voice saying you aren’t good enough because you fall short or because you struggle to agree with the Church at times. God loves you right now and you can have a relationship with Him right now - in fact, He awaits an invitation into your life at this very moment, not 10 years from now once you “have it all figured out.”

And if you haven’t figured it all out yet: welcome to the middle space, where we keep seeking Truth, being honest with ourselves about where we are, and being honest with God. I’m here with you.