You sit down for dinner, maybe a scoop of ice cream or a rousing game of mini golf. You’ve been perusing dating apps for what seems like months. You get to know someone and you start to wonder, “How do I bring up the conversation about sex?”

If waiting until marriage is a non-negotiable for you, it's best to let your date know early on so that they can make an informed decision about whether or not they want to continue dating you. This may seem daunting, but it will save you both time and heartache in the long run.

Conversations surrounding sex don’t have to be awkward. I know, I know, that seems impossible – but there is a way. If you find yourself in the position of needing to tell your date that you are saving sex for marriage, here are some tips to help you navigate the conversation.

Choose the right time and place.

The first step is to choose the right time and place for the conversation. This should be a private, one-on-one discussion where you can both speak openly and honestly. It's also important to choose a time when you are both relaxed and not distracted, so that you can give the conversation your full attention.

Be clear and confident.

When it comes to sensitive topics like this, clarity is key. Be honest and straightforward with your date about your decisions about sex. Express your thoughts and feelings with confidence. Your date should appreciate your honesty and sincerity, and it may even bring you closer together. Be open about your reasons for making this commitment and why it is important to you.

Set boundaries.

If your date is willing to respect your decision, it's important to set boundaries to prevent any confusion or misunderstandings. Let them know what you're comfortable with in terms of physical affection, and be clear about what you're not comfortable with. This can help prevent awkward situations and it will allow both of you to have clear expectations.

Listen to their response.

After you have shared your intentions and set your boundaries, listen to your date's response. They may have questions or concerns, and it's important to give them the space to express themselves. Listen with an open mind and heart, and try to understand their perspective.

Be prepared for different reactions.

Some people may be understanding and supportive of your commitment, while others may not agree with your decision. Be firm in your beliefs while also respecting their feelings and opinions. If your date isn't comfortable with your decision, it may be a sign that you're not compatible in the long run.

Be patient.

If your date is not on the same page as you, be patient and give them time to process your conversation. They may need some time to think about what you have said and decide how they feel about the situation. Avoid pressuring them or trying to change their mind, and give them the space to make their own decision.

Remember that this conversation doesn't have to be a make-or-break moment. If your date doesn't share your beliefs, it doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship. You can still choose to date and get to know each other better, but it's important to have an open and honest conversation about your boundaries.

Overall, telling your date that you're saving sex for marriage may not be an easy conversation, but it's a crucial one. Being open, honest, and respectful can help you and your date better understand each other's values and beliefs. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what's best for you and your future, and finding a partner who shares those values can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience.

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Chenele Shaw

Chenele Shaw is a former youth minister and theology teacher trying to live her life for Christ, frequent her therapist, abolish the sin of racism, and eat all the cheese! She’s currently the Director of Youth Ministry for the Diocese of Orlando, host of Ave Spotlight, and Co-Director of the Before Gethsemane Initiative. You can find her on Instagram @chenele_k.

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